In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
