I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
