I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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