Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
