Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
