just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
