Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
