There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
