Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
