he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
