i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
