I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
