I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
