when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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