If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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