I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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