The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
