haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
