I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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