I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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