If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
