My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
