yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
