Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
