I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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