Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
