im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
