when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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