my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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