A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
