I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
