Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im part way to drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
