I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
