Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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