ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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