i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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