so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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