I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
