she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont even know how to be here
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
