oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
