She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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