he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
