Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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