I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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