i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
