I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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