I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
