where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
