I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
