I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
