Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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