remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
