nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
