nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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