when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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