It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
