We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
