I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
