She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
