we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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