Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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