So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
