remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize