we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
