I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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