Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
