And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
