If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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