...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
