Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
