Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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