nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
