I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize