did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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