forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
