apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
