I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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