So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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