why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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