I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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