i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
