so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
