so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
