Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
