how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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