You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My bed smells like the plague
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
