i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My penis needs a shock collar
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize