Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
