Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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