why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
